The Sounds of Silence

[If you read this blog post, please also read the comments that follow.]

I know I’ve been offline for quite a while but I didn’t realize two months had passed. Wow!

I’ve been digesting.

God has offered me so much to chew on and I’ve been letting it settle in my tummy. I totally thought I’d be come back writing about my experiences as a fine dining waitress and the contrasts and similarities to my life in corporate America. Perhaps another day.

Today, despite my distance from news and media, I heard about the breaking story across America. I heard about the story from polar opposites– those opposed to same sex marriage and those who support it.


For years this debate often leads me to contemplate the lyric, “If you chose not to decide you still have made a choice… I will choose free will.”

In this world of polar opposites who speak out on days like today, I feel there is a segment of society, like myself, that isn’t sure what to say. Today is a good day for me to write it out.

I have gay friends.
I love them.

I sin.
I have friends who are sinners.
We all have sinned and fall short of God’s grace.
I am more concerned about my own sin.
It’s selfish, I know.

The Bible tells me to be more concerned about my own sin than my brother’s sin in Matthew 7:5.

There is a popular church that thinks it’s okay to rate sin by the degree of severity… you know, ‘cardinal sins’ like theft and murder. Those are ‘real sins’… things you should be ashamed for and repent about. The other sins like gambling and promiscuity can be overlooked because they are so popular– consensual, if you will. It’s okay to have bingo nights and church festivals if they are profitable. I digress…

Do I support same sex marriage [civil unions]?
Not really, but sort of.

I believe there are many of us walking about this earth that are hurting and confused. Some of us are responding with heterosexual behaviors that are ‘acceptable’ in today’s culture. I’m immersed in a culture at the present time that is proving to me that we have dipped our feet in the waters of promiscuity so far that we have no clue where to draw the line. Many of us have no value for our own selves and freely give our hearts and bodies away to anyone who might offer affirmation in return. Physical affirmation is not love.

I believe there are people who are attracted to others of the same sex. In some circles, it might be said they are ‘born this way’. Perhaps they are. I cannot define them or explore all of their life influences to evaluate why they are the way they are. Did they experience something in their life to turn them away from the opposite sex? Rape? Abuse? Inferior role models? Literally, God only knows.

There are many living heterosexual married lives that are a lie. They cheat on their mates; whether openly or in secret. The institution of marriage is far from what God intended for us as men and women.

Do I support same-sex marriage?

I believe there are many same-sex couples that are more committed to making a monogamous relationship work than there are heterosexual couples honoring the vow of marriage. That’s it. That’s my bottom line.

In my wildest, most creative imaginative state I find nothing about a same sex relationship that is intriguing. I am a girl and I like boys. I don’t think of myself as lucky to have a mindset that thinks this way; it’s just the way I am. Intimacy with a girl feels awkward to me. That’s just who I am.

I guess, from some perspective, I support same-sex marriage [civil unions]. It isn’t that I think it’s the best thing for folks but I recognize that not everyone feels and thinks the way that I do. In as much as I wouldn’t want my life infiltrated with beliefs opposite as my own, I can respect that there are other folks on the other side of the fence resenting my viewpoint; unable to embrace it as their own.

Our God is a god of love.
He has given us freewill to love in return.
This is what separates Christianity from other ‘religions’… our God is a god of love who wants to be in relationship with us, His children.

He doesn’t chose us because we are perfect and flawless. He choses all of us. All of us with our sins, no matter what they are… come as you are.

So my take on all of this is somewhat noncommittal and yet, I still have made a choice. I will chose freewill.

The God that I love and worship wants to be in a relationship with me. In that relationship, I study His Word and spend time each day in a spiritual relationship– conversations if you will. In my time with God each day, I know what pleases Him and what causes distance between us. I respect my friends to have the same relationship with their God or god, if they chose. In as much as I would love for all my friends to have a personal relationship with the same God I have, we all have the gift of freewill to be in a relationship or not. And in the end, we all will have the chance to reconcile the choices we have made. Whether it is our open relationships or our private thoughts, we will have an exit interview.

I’ve been married more adult years than I’ve been single.
I’ve had to work a full-time job to provide insurance for our family.
I file a joint-tax return with my spouse because it is more advantageous to do so.
I’ve had this freedom.

I may not think it’s a black and white issue that we can solve overnight but I do believe we should all have the same right to chose. It’s not going to be a popular opinion with my conservative friends. I understand. But for my gay friends and family members, I cannot support oppression of any kind. America talks a good game about freedoms and liberties but the basis of our nation is oppression. My thoughts run deep and are complex. I have Native American friends and friends with African roots. The oppression they have carried forward for generations is real. If I want folks to know the love of Jesus, I feel I need to accept them as they are, where they are. I’m not watering down biblical truth– I know the Word of God to be true. I know the reality of a monogamous marriage too. I wish we all could feel love, comfort, and peace in a loving relationship.

I don’t think my words will change the world, per se.
I only hope to give a voice to those who aren’t outspoken.
Sometimes the folks standing in the middle have the best perspective.

I would rather let one same-sex couple have the freedom of a civil union than a dozen heterosexual couple have a false marriage of convenience. Green cards? Appeasing family status? In the end, our best intentions are going to be known. As for me and my house…


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