… continued from ‘Define Purity, Part 1‘
When I was in Rwanda a few weeks ago, I asked a new acquaintance from Solace Ministries if sharing testimonies really helped the widows heal. It seemed like retelling their horrific stories over and over would somehow cause scarring like picking at a scab. She assured me that each time they tell their story they are able to release a little more. It does heal their soul.
Some people knew my past.
Some people only knew the results of my past.
Some people had no clue how it impacted my life.
I’m glad I revealed it.
How can I claim to be repurposing life through my writing if I try to be the editor for God. If I relinquish control and ask Him to use me, I had better be ready to let Him use anything He sees fit to resurrect for His purpose. I am hopeful that someone in the world read my last post, made a connection, and is waiting for the happy ending so they too can start to heal. Let’s talk this out…
I’m going to fast-forward a bit. We left off at the part where I lived a checkered past and you might have discovered from an earlier post that I eventually did marry a wonderful guy. Remember the sweet, patient man who pushed my mother around Disney World in a wheelchair? There is a lot to our story that God is going to repurpose one day. But for now, let’s get back to sexual purity and how to define it in a world with such blurred lines, you haven’t a clue when you’ve crossed them.
Every time you share intimacy with your partner, you give away a little bit of yourself. Even if you aren’t buying into what the bible says, here is what science offers up [link here]. I truly hope you are interested in what the Word of God says about this special bond. I found four references: Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10;8, 1 Corinthians 6:16.
“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother [to marry his wife], and the two of them will become one flesh and blood.” so they are no longer two people, but one.
What God has joined together in this way, no one may sever.” –Mark 10:7-9
The way a man and woman are created to work together for intimacy is absolutely brilliant! If a couple can wait for the right time to make that union, the bond cannot be severed. I want you to note the key words above ‘in this way‘. There are no contingencies for living together before you are married. You enter the bond of marriage and then you share the intimacy.
That is impossible!
Nothing is impossible with God.
That isn’t just a catchy phrase, it is truth.
The difficult part is making a marriage work when you find the right person and you don’t have a whole heart to give them because you’ve shared bits and pieces of it with one or more people. In the process of giving away pieces of your heart, you may have packed a lot of extra emotional baggage you’ll bring into your relationship.
Marriage isn’t perfect. Ever.
Why? Because it takes two humans to marry and humans are imperfect beings. We make mistakes. But, the beautiful part of our humanity is that we can try our best to love and respect one another. When we fail we have something called forgiveness to overcome the hurt. When we can offer a person our heart that is whole along with a promise to remain true to each other, saving intimacy for only them, what happens as a result is magical.
Um, wait… I have a checkered past? Who am I to tell you about magical intimacy if I’ve got a scarlet letter on my chest?
Perhaps it’s like a prisoner giving a scared straight pitch. I have experience and knowledge, that’s about it. I can tell you about the painful choices I made and hope you can take my word for it so you don’t have to pay the toll as well. This is why you need to surround yourself with friends and mentors who will support you in your choice to do the right thing. It is easy to stumble. It’s really easy to stumble when you find yourself in love and physically attracted to the right person.
The world will tell you to play the field.
Take the car for a test drive before you buy it.
Practice your game before you take the field.
What if he/she is a horrible lover? You’re stuck with them for the rest. of. your. life!
There are a lot of ‘what-ifs’ when you enter into a marriage. Talk to a couple who made it through years of married life and you will hear that it wasn’t easy. You stick it out and you work through the tough times together. You figure things out together. You support each other and learn about life together. You communicate. You forgive. You love unconditionally. You love exclusively.
Several months ago, my husband and I were talking about our daughters new relationship and our desire to support them through their desire to wait for intimacy. I asked David, “Do you wish you hadn’t had anyone else before me?” He earnestly replied, “Yes.” We both wish we could go back and erase the past knowing the emotional scars we had as well as some physical affects too. Physical affects? This isn’t something people typically talk about because it’s raw and edgy. The truth is, a life of impurity is a road that quite possibly will lead to some unfortunate ramifications. Let me be clear…
The obvious correlation people will assume I am referencing are STDs, unplanned pregnancy, infertility due to settling down later in life, as well as any number of logical arguments used to promote abstinence until marriage. I’m going to tell you about something even more alarming– sexual disfunction. [GASP!]
There are a number of things that can naturally happen to a man or a woman as they age beyond their reproductive years. The tragedy is that because of the increased acceptance of multiple partners, experimentation, and pornography before, during, and as a replacement for intimacy, physical relationships are suffering. The End.
Why, ‘The End’?
Because I’m not going to enter into a debate with someone who wants to promote a worldly opinion on how these things benefit sexual relations. Why? Because the point is that this isn’t the worlds design for sex, I’m promoting God’s plan for intimacy when He created us for exclusivity. If you don’t care for this viewpoint, that’s okay. When He created you he also gave you free will to chose if you would follow or blaze your own trail.
This is quite enough to ponder for Part 2. I’m not exactly sure how many parts I’ll end up with. I do know I have yet to talk about the blurred lines. I’ll give you a hint with a hope you come back to read on…
It may involve a quote from a former President of the US.
It may reveal more about my past that I ever planned to publish.
It may help some kid out there who knows in their heart what is right but who has a group of friends pressuring them to cross a line they don’t feel comfortable crossing.
Hang tough kids. Your innocence isn’t a burden. It is a precious and beautiful treasure.
Intimacy is a beautiful thing and is worth the wait. Trust me.
To be continued…