One of the harshest things someone can say is, “…and you call yourself a Christian??!”
It happened this week.
It happened because I drew a line to stop unhealthy behaviors in a relationship.
It happened because the people under my leadership were suffering too.
It had been going on for several years. We tried to accommodate.
Sometimes people can have a kind heart but they are so close to their issues, they don’t see others have challenges as well. Sometimes life isn’t fair but it isn’t a competition to see who has more hurt. Pain is pain. Because some folks can withstand more pain doesn’t mean they don’t need compassion too. They can carry the load for others…
…but not forever.
Sometimes a kind hearted person can do more damage than their good works can rectify. Two rights usually cannot fix a wrong. Oft times, a hurting person doesn’t realize they are hurting others. I’m sorry can fix a lot of wounds. But what if someone is so used to taking the role of the victim, they don’t realize others are also hurting.
What if they are causing the hurt?
What if they never say they are sorry?
Misery loves company. A commiserating alliance isn’t healthy.
As I type, I realize this topic is too much to cover in one post. If I post, I will open a can of worms. It’s just that, well…
Yes, I am a Christian.
No, I am not perfect.
Yes, I am compassionate.
No, I am not a doormat.
Yes, I can forgive.
Yes, I can forgive repeatedly.
Yes, God asks me to love everyone. I do.
No, I don’t always like them.
Yes, I realize I’m not always likable… I am stuck with myself 24/7.
Because I am a Christian, I don’t have to be in a relationship with everyone I cross paths with. I am human. I only have a capacity to spread myself so far. I have limits. We all have limits. The Word tells us it is okay to walk away from people who are… well…
It sounds harsh but, some people suck the life out of you.
I looked up some of the biblical quotes that give us guidance but realize it would likely cause controversy. There are more scriptures to support trying to work it out with one another. We do. Trust me, we do. And then, Maurice, it is best to throw your hands in the air like you don’t care. [Madagascar reference to lighten the mood]
Really though? You try to say you don’t care, but you do.
When empathy wears you down, you try apathy.
I am not heartless. I care. I care enough to walk away.
Perhaps if you don’t like who you become when you are with someone, the street is running in both directions. We would all fair better in this world if we could travel the high road– live and let live. Let it be.
Human nature dictates we need to chose sides as if life is a game of kickball. Life doesn’t have to be a competition. Mutual friends can have opinions and it is okay to keep those opinions to themselves. It isn’t necessary to make your mutual friends choose sides when you decide to widen the gap between your high roads.
I wish it was that way.
I am no King Solomon but I would rather lose two friends than to have a mutual friend feel they need to pick a side in a lost relationship. That is healthy. Unhealthy is to split your friends in two like the baby in the story of King Solomon– no one wins.
I am posting because I need to heal.
Healing takes time.
I am taking quiet time this weekend.
I am not posting this to retaliate.
I am not posting this to stir controversy.
As with anything I write, I write to help others who might be in the same situation. I write and post to make myself accountable for my words. I hope that just one person will have a lighter load with encouragement. Even a strong person can feel alone sometimes. I would rather have one positive influence in my life than to have a dozen friends surround me to commiserate without a single person willing to help… willing to tell me what I need to hear to change myself… willing to walk me through the process to improve myself, my outlook, my attitude.
I thank God for my real, my honest friends. I am blessed.
I am not who I used to be and I am far from where He needs me to be.
Thank God I am on my way! Some are stuck in misery.
My friends and my husband know a lot about me.
Only God truly knows me.
I need to spend time with Him this weekend. I will.
You can please some of the people some of the time
but if you try to please all of the people all of the time, no one will be pleased.
Be human. Know your limits.